Perceiving Negativity, Not Believing

Negative thoughts can appear so suddenly and with such intensity, it’s easy to get caught into their web of chaos.

“Bad!” “Wrong!” “Selfish!” “Stupid!” “Foolish!” “Failure!” “Death!”

Like being stabbed in the dark by a stranger leaping from the shadows, these thought forms can create such visceral emotional reactions and contractions in the body.

Last night I experienced very intense panic attacks, much stronger than the normal ones I often experience. Sometimes the fear is so intense that it just completely overwhelms the senses. The “me” that believes it’s in control is crushed in these moments - there is just pure terror.

Sitting in the aftermath of this intense energetic experience, I notice subtle beliefs are coming to the surface, many negative thoughts about the body are appearing.

When I suddenly realize that I’m unconsciously believing these thoughts, there is more spaciousness.

The movement from believing to perceiving offers such a radical transformation of experience. When I’m simply perceiving or observing or witnessing my negative thoughts, I can be open to them, curious, present without an agenda.

I notice the immense tightness in the body, I witness the thoughts making these sensations wrong, I see ideas of self-hatred swirling about but in this neutral observing I notice that I don’t really know what these sensations or thoughts actually mean.

The more I simply witness, the quieter I become and the body starts to relax.

Is there a “me” doing this?
I don’t really know.
But this process seems to be happening regardless.

Awareness, or whatever name you want to give to that primordial force that appears to be the source of all life, seems to be the one in control.

It emerges in it’s own mysterious way bringing all of the “un-welcomed” aspects of life into the light. All “negative” thoughts, all repressed feelings, all of the uncomfortable sensations in the body are able to be embraced by Awareness.

I suspect that through all of these intense experiences I have been going through, that the “me,” the imagined “receiver” of experiences is dissolved into Awareness itself. Beliefs that seemed so true, so undeniably real, are torn to pieces in this Sacred Remembrance that all of life is One.

My Sacred Remembrance for today is this:

“The Ego Believes, Awareness Perceives.”